June 9, 2010 in Illustrations
I remember getting my first Orange Julius when I was 6 on Christmas Eve, at the Southern Park Mall in Bordman Ohio with my Dad. The orange drink was indeed very tasty, but what I really was gaga over was the tacky decor. The whole place was done up like some kind of hell bound, cavernous brothel — with giant, fake stones lining the walls bearing cheesy, bronzed torches with a chintzy plastic light cover shaped like a swirled flame. Yes, this was indeed heaven to a boy who craved Halloween 24 – 7. And the whole effect was caped nicely by a REALLY sweet logo featuring a zany, psychedelic typeface and a cute little Devil sitting on an orange bearing the catch phrase “A Devilishly Good Drink”. Man, I wish they sold T-Shirts there with the logo on it, because I would have begged my parents to buy me one.
Anyway, for the next couple years, no trip to the mall was complete without a stop to my cave of wonders. Well, all dreams have to come to an end I suppose. One day while back-to-school shopping at JCPenny’s, I ran toward my favorite watering hole only to run strait into a freshly erected wall bearing the words “Closed For Remodeling”. Well, I guess my innocent mind was to young to fully comprehend what was happened behind that cheep, hastily constructed wall because when the Julius re-opened a couple months later, my heart broke. Gone were the bronze torches, replaced with the same kind of florescent lights my grade school used. Gone were my favorite stone walls, replaced with sterile white walls. And worst of all, WORST OF ALL, they took my favorite logo — the one with that sweet font and AWESOME little Devil, and replaced it with a monotonous, corporate logo.
Why, why, WHY would they do this. To this day, it still pisses me off. Well, 25 years has given me a lot of time to think about it, and it probably went down like this. I picture 31 krusty, old guys sitting around a long, dusty boardroom table in a dark, dank, moldy office. 30 of these tired bastards are all nervously staring around as the head Dick in the room ponders why sales have slipped 3 points in the second quarter — when finally he muses out loud to himself that McDonald’s always makes a bundle every year. “Hell, over 90 million served. If we want a piece of that action, maybe we should be more like them?”; and finally, after everyone of his cowardly underlings stare dully at him for a minute, they all wobble their dim heads like dashboard headbobbers and wildly agree. And so the story goes. They strip all the fun and charm from the old girl, just to make a couple more bucks. Well, that’s how I see it any how.
But I digress. Yes indeed, that was one sweet logo — but I have had a heck of a time trying to track down a picture of it over the years. To make matters worse, I would talk about it with friends and they would have no idea what I was talking about. Well, finally I was able to find a little crappy jpeg of it:
At least I know I didn’t imagine it; but that is one tiny, crappy little jpeg. Well, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
So here you go folks. I redrew it so you could see just how fricken amazing it is. I was right, wasn’t I, hee hee. Now, all I have to do is stick it on a t-shirt and I’ll be the coolest kid on the block.
Well, at least I got the logo now, but the actual place I guess will still have to stay in my memories, I guess. If anyone out there has pictures of an Orange Julius in it’s heyday, please email them to me. I can pay you in back rubs.